Why does he feel the need to hide? Part I, by lengli

I have had an unsubstantiated theory in my head for quite some time that Tim Gunn of TV's "Project Runway" is Canadian. I don't know what it is about him, but there is something that makes my Canadar^TM go ping (and generally it's pretty accurate: I called Avril Lavigne before she was came out as a Canadian); however, I cannot find one bit of evidence to support. I have tried on multiple occasions to find out where he is from, but each effort has proved more futile than the last. Which only adds to my conspiracy: no longer is Tim simply Canadian, but now in my mind he is ashamed of his motherland.

I think we all know by now what happens when lengli starts harping on a theory: ridiculous stories result. Last night I started writing up a fictional work about Tim Gunn's underrepresented Canadian heritage and his fearful existence resulting of the fact that he grew up in Hamilton, Ontario. If you have any fuel to add to the fire, by all means feel free to contribute a chapter (especially you, Cindy!)

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Tim Gunn settled into the 400-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets that topped his Louis XIV 4-poster canopy bed with the newest issues of Us Weekly, silently berating Natalie Portman's attached earlobes. Though admittedly Natalie did her best to make them work, there were surgeries for that kind of thing. Tim sighed to himself, absent-mindedly running a hand through his silver hair.

He put down the magazine and gazed off at nothing in particular for several moments. Suddenly, tears started to well up in his eyes, and their plopping onto the glossy gossip pages was the only sound in the room. Tim shook his head, trying in vain to stop their flow. Why were things so hard for him? He knew it was only a matter of time: imdb.com had workers lurking in every alley, and those hounds at E! Online were giving Tim ever-increasing migraines. He reached for his glass of San Pellegrino and tried to persuade himself of the soothing power of its effervescent bubbles: people paid top dollar for similar treatments at spas, and such treatments only affected the outside of your body.

But all was futile, Tim knew deep in his soul. Such was the double-edged sword of fame with which he had been knighted. One day, for certain...the truth would come out, and the knowledge of that fact ate away at him every waking moment of the day.

For Tim had a secret.

He was Canadian.